Visions for Children

When my first child was born, or maybe even before that while we were expecting her, I had visions in my mind of the life she would have. All those things I dreamed of and hoped for her. How I would help ensure them coming to be. There were big plans of her having all those things I never had, not sure anymore what exactly those were, as the things I thought I never had seemed to change with my birthdays, and the list of them seemed to shrink as well.

With each of my seven though there were lists in my mind and dreams I had for each and every one. We always dream that whatever our life was we somehow give them the footing for a better life than we had. Now that by no means is a declaration that we didn't have a good life ourself. I wanted them to be better academically, have more confidence, have musical talents,and more of all the numerous talents I saw in my friends and didn't have.They would be more fun, more attractive, more of everything I felt I wasn't, and I somehow declared myself as the one who would guarantee this happened. They would never have to do without, I would raise them so they didn't. They would not struggle as much as me, things would be so much easier for them. This was as set in my brain as anything.

The trouble with that though was these were my hopes for them. These were things I couldn't control. I maybe could force music lessons, but if they didn't enjoy them, they wouldn't show that talent. And some of them, well they just truly aren't musically talented, and all the lessons in the world or all the hopes from mom won't chnage that.

Now I have three grown, all raised by the same mother, all with the same kinds of rules, all with similar advantages, and all completley different than my idea when they were born. I have four more still not "grown" and even they aren't what my brain thought they would be as I looked at them as infants and decided what they would be.

Somewhere in our parental desires for our kids to have the best, be the best, and want the best, we lose sight of the fact they are their own person. We do not get a life redo through our children. They need to have their own goals, decide their own talents, and struggle and do without to achieve those very same dreams they have.

I have learned and not always easily either, that my job in all this is to give them the tools to discover their own dreams. My job is to love them even when their dreams and their ways are things that I never dreamed I see my kids do or hear them say. My job is to remember not to worry so much about molding them in to the person of my great hopes for their life, but to teach them how to be their own person and live their life to the fullest.

I hope to teach my children that as they look at their brand new child one day and they begin to weave all the dreams and desires of a new parent in their brain, that they stop, take a minute, look at that sweet innocent face, and set their goals for them the parents to teach them that we can't have everything, be everything,but that through hard work, struggles, and dreams for ourselves, we can be the best of what we choose.