Fifteen years ago today at this time, I was packed and getting ready to go to the hospital to have my labor induced to have my daughter. She wasn't due for yet another three weeks, but because my body has this thing about having babies at least three weeks before they are due, this time the doctor wanted to be more in control. She is child number five of seven, and the one born before her had decided not only to come early like the rest, he even decided to skip the hospital bit and be born at home. I had these weird labors where you start off normal and then skip a lot of the middle stuff and go right to the last stage and have the baby. Anyway, there we were preparing to go and let the medical world be in charge this time.
I grew up in what we call the Brady Bunch era, where the family tv sitcoms had these perfect children, and the worse things they ever did wrong were leave bicycles in the driveway, they never slammed doors, yelled at parents, or made a mess. Their bad grades consited of a B shame on them, their rooms were always clean, they ate everything on their plate. The perfect children, in the perfectly manicured home, with the perfect parents, and of course Alice the perfect housekeeper who kept the world perfectly balanced.
Shortly after my daughters birth I took a child development class, taught by a psychologist and though it was 20 years or more past the Brady Bunch sitcom, the children portrayed in the books and movies shown at class were exact examples of that type of child. I wondered then with two teens,two toddlers, and a two month old, in my life where I could order a set of children like them! In the course of this class, which was filled with parents, we were asked to add up the ages of our children at that time, and the result was that was how many years of parenting experience we had under our own belt.
This morning, I did that exercise again for myself, and my grand total years of experience based on that instructors particular theory is 133 years to date. Wow, 133 years!! You would think with 133 years experience I would surely have this job perfected and should actually be able to perform the job of parent with such skill and knowledge, and expertise that I too would by now have children that reflect the Brady Bunch era. WRONG!!
Even with all this experience I still have children who argue with me, still have to be reminded to clean their rooms,still won't eat everything put in front of them, despite the fact that I have told them what my mother told me about the starving people in the world. When they are presented with a food they don't want to eat they they offer to send it to the starving people I told them about.
In my 133 years of experience I have not figured out how to get them all to do what is asked of them the first time, or even the second time. Never mind getting them all to, I would be glad if just one did! I would settle for now and then. You would think with 133 years under my belt I would know by now that when a child no matter what age tells you they will do all the work involved in having a pet, that I would have learned that means for a maximum of one week, and then 99% of that pet care is mine, and if I even mention not keeping it they suddenly have a love for it beyond anything a mere parent could possibly understand. Of course that love is nowhere to be found if it needs a bath, or has an accident of the floor. Oh gross I'll puke is the normal response I hear.How do you know it was mine, did you actually see it do that? Forget the fact it is the only one in the house at the time, unless you have time for forensics to prove it, you might as well clean it and get it over with.
In my 133 years of parenting, there has never been a vacation, or even a day off. Sick days consist of you being so ill you can't move and when you do begin to feel better, you can't believe that you haven't been relocated to another house during your illness as you can no longer recognize the one you are in, because your sick day translated to your children as free for all! And the phrase are you really my child comes to mind frequently.
However, in that 133 years experience I have been privilged to learn a lot. I have learned that your house doesn't have to be perfect at all times, it's okay to take a day too goof off. Your laundry will never be all done so why half kill, yourself trying to accompolish the unaccomplishable. There will always be dirty dishes in your kitchen, and the bathrooms, well all you can do is do your best, and if all else fails go to the nearest gas station and use theirs. If you owned and lived in the grocery store there would still be nothing to eat, and having the pets actually does teach them things you don't see until they are grown.
While accumulating this experience I have been blessed to be part of many first steps, many first days, many hugs, millions of beautiful pictures colored just for me. Drawings of stick people with heads as big as Asia,yellow hair, and huge eyes, because a child drew a picture of mommy. I have been given thousands of bouquets of flowers,okay some of them were weeds, but they were hand picked by a child. And smiles and giggles by the dozens.
All in all I think the 133 years experience has taught me that even my kids are a product of the Brady Bunch era, and maybe just maybe if we readjust our version of what we think a perfect kid is, and really look at the good qualities each and every one has, they are all perfectly themself and that is even better.
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